In the Lane with Licht: Bee-Zarro Awards
January 19, 2007
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Bob LichtFact is so often much more interesting than fiction, especially during a 7-plus month NBA season. This week I hand out my TOP 10 BEE-ZARRO AWARDS for the strangest…but truest stories so far in the Association.
1. ONE TOO MANY HITS AWARD
CARMELO ANTHONY, Denver forward. The NBA’s leading scorer is suspended 15-games by the NBA for throwing a punch late in the Nuggets’ win over New York in mid-December. The next week ‘Melo’ announces he will be resuming his off season workout routine…boxing! The irony runs deep on this one…the punch he threw came at the end of Denver’s win at Madison Square Garden…where many historic boxing matches have occurred.
2. WEIRD WEEK AWARD
New Orleans/Oklahoma City Hornets. The Hornets travel to Atlanta on a Wednesday and win their first road game in ONE month. They return home on a Friday and upset red-hot Gilbert Arenas and the Washington Wizards for their first winning streak in TWO months. Finally, on Saturday, they’re forced to stay home after a winter storm leads to a mechanical problem with the Hornets’ team plane and the club’s first postponed regular season game in SEVEN YEARS.
3. IF I DIDN’T HAVE BAD LUCK, I’D HAVE NO LUCK AT ALL AWARD
MARCUS VINICIUS, Hornets rookie forward. It’s bad enough to lose last season’s leading scorer (David West) to elbow surgery, and this season’s top free agent (Peja Stojakovic) to back surgery, and last season’s Rookie-of-the-Year (Chris Paul) to a severely sprained ankle, and key point guard backup (Bobby Jackson) to cracked ribs, but after learning that Vinicius was forced to return to the Hornets from the D-League Tulsa 66ers after just one game due to a strained Achilles tendon I threw out my rabbit’s foot, my horseshoe, and my four leaf clover. Their magic has obvious rubbed off on some other team.
4. ILLEGAL USE OF HANDS…AND MOUTH AWARD
RODNEY MOTT, NBA official. Mott is suspended for three games without pay for making an obscene gesture and using inappropriate language at a Miami-Portland game he officiates. I believe that’s a technical foul shot and possession, but by who I’m not sure.
5. HANGING…ER…HOVERING ABOVE THE RIM AWARD
KOBE BRYANT, Lakers’ shooting guard. Apparently tired of the long commutes to the Staples Center on game days, Kobe is contemplating purchasing his own helicopter to fly to home games. Where is he going to land…center court?
6. DAY TRADER AWARD
BRIAN DAVIS-CHRISTIAN LAETTNER, a pair of former players-turned investors. The former Duke University teammates attempt to buy the Memphis Grizzlies from majority owner Michael Heisley; however, due to a series of missteps, lose their exclusive right to purchase the team. They reportedly fail to show they have enough cash to consummate the deal. In addition, during training camp Christian Laettner held his own press conference claiming to be trying out for a spot on the Grizzlies’ roster, much to the surprise of coach Mike Fratello, who knows nothing about Laettner’s comeback attempt.
7. STICK TO JUMP SHOTS AWARD
MICHAEL REDD, shooting guard, Milwaukee Bucks. The league’s 5th-leading scorer and one of the league’s most reliable outside shooters goes in for a meaningless dunk late in the fourth quarter of a January game and lands hard…injures a knee…and misses over a month of action.
8. CAPTAIN OF THE TITANIC AWARD
PAT RILEY, head coach, Miami Heat. Riley decides to return after leading the Heat to their first NBA title, then, just days after star guard Dwyane Wade joins Shaquille O’Neal on the sidelines with an injury, steps down as head coach to have knee surgery.
9. NEXT TIME SEEK A SECOND OPINION AWARD
BONZI WELLS, guard/forward, Houston Rockets. Offered a $5 million dollar per year, multi-year contract to re-sign with Sacramento after a stellar post season, Wells turns the deal down looking for more and finds…less! He signs a veterans’ minimum one-year deal, and he has spent much of the season injured.
10. GET ON THE SAME PAGE AWARD
JEFF MCINNIS, point guard, Charlotte Bobcats. In his first day with the Bobcats after signing as a free agent, he is listed on the pre-game Inactive List, but someone must have forgotten to inform coach Bernie Bickerstaff, who allows him to dress out for the game anyway and when he attempts to put him into the contest McInnis is assessed a technical and ejected from the game. It may be an NBA first since the transition from the Injury List to the Inactive List.
